Advances in Muppet DNA research and testing have come to a standstill due to funding restrictions under Trump-administration’s anti-Muppet “Fearless Furless Felt-Free America” policies. *From what I've read on and other human-puppet ancestry websites, reliable Muppet DNA testing is still years away. It is only speculation at this point because of the ongoing controversy around Muppet-Human genetic research*, but it would certainly explain my ongoing struggles with finger-typing and text-messaging, general ineptitude when it comes to utensil holding, why my mom’s “craft room” was always off limits, and shed some light on my natural tendency to widely open my mouth, throw my head back, and wiggle my arms when laughing or excited. I’m pretty sure my real biological father is a Muppet.
RentMen: What would you like your readers to know about you that is unique and even a bit personal?
